so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
