he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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