i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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