she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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