the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
