Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
...so i touched it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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