i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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