Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
