Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
