she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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