First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
