i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
