brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
