it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
