Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
