Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
