$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
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