Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
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who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
this is an emotional support booty call
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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