i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
