can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
