Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
one might say we're banned from that church
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
