Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
