Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
