I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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