well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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