so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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