toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
