I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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