...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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