the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
