Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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