then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
