I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
