As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
