whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
