I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
