Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
