I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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