I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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