on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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