I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
