the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
