you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I cockslap morals
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
