So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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