I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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