Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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