I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
