they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
