I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
