he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all