he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?