have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
