I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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