Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
