The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
