I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
