swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
