I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
