It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
