u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
