We won't sleep together?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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