Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
