I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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