nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
