he wants to bone in the snuggie
The best revenge is premature balding
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
