After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
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Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
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My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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