Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
