Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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