The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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