Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
